No Tricks

Have donned the white sheet with eye holes cut out and will be scaring the beejesus out of the children later on. Last year, when asked 'trick or treat ' by the scary funsters who knocked on the door, I always said treat and was met with silence. The children ,togged up to the nines, simply looked at their parents for help. The parents just laughed. 'Trick' I repeated and still no tomfoolery ensued. After a couple of minutes of strained silence I gave in and handed out sweets. Is there nothing on the National curriculum about imagination? Eggs, Waters, perhaps the odd 'Moon' or two. Will report tomorrow if the standard has been upped.

Whizzbangery

Foyles is to open an E Book shop. Not convinced that it will work. Before you throw the luddite brick through the Moose Towers windows, look at the cost. £160 is the cheapest on offer and then look at how many titles you can buy. Not many. The E Book on offer today will be the Betamax of the book world. Electronic books do have a future but not in this format. I worry when tecchies try to sell the written word with whizzbangery. Publishers should invest in new writers, not batteries.

Much Smiting in the Marsh

Bluemoose Books is proud to announce the book signing of the Millenium. No, it's not Robbie Williams, it is GOD. We will be publishing the Uber Celebrity Autobiography of the year in time for his son's birthday 2010. It's AAA status makes it destined for the number one bestseller spot. There's famine relief solutions, astral ascension, sea splitting, much smiting and a host of animals descending from the heavens. GOD will be doing signings every Sunday in the months of October, November and December culminating in a massive multi faith event at Westminster Cathedral on December 25th. Everyone is invited.

Sleb sales down

Sales of Non Fiction celebrity books are down over 33% on last year. Does this mean the Great British public are now so disillusioned with whats on offer, they are taking their book buying wallets elsewhere? Perhaps. It could of course be that the titles out there don't titillate the customers pallette. But you can be damned sure the bean counters at the big six publishers are feeling very uncomfortable. Having shelled out ludicrous amounts of lucre to slebs, they need these pre Christmas sales. Its a one hit approach and if they miss, every new writer out there with even the slightest hope of getting a contract can go whistle. The fools are running the asylum. But they have been warned. Many, many times.

Moose Hob Heartache

Whilst all at Bluemoose Towers endeavour to get the word out about our next title, Falling through clouds, the mundane sometimes manages to derail the best of plans. The Moose's oven blew up on Sunday whilst I was cooking dinner for the family. A smoke filled kitchen, electrickery firing of in all directions and hungry mouths unfed. A man came round yesterday with spanner and a heavy heart brimming with sighs. The hob is dead, perhaps the oven too and monies will need to be spent. Moose Hob heartache. The Withering News banner headline disease is affecting every aspect of my life. It's a kind of journalistic tourettes.

Withering Heights

Think Lake Wobegon Days meets The League of Gentlemen and you will have the right sort of idea about an new Fictional town that will be coming your way soon. I will post the link for this a week today, Monday November the 2nd. The story concerns the lives of four people who run a provincial newspaper in the Pennine town not far from Bronte country. The town is called Withering Heights and the newspaper, The Withering News. Michael and Miranda are the husband and wife team who run the newspaper. They report on the comings and goings of a town noted for it's creativity. It has become the Sapphic centre of the UK which has caused, in the past, some discomfort amongst the more traditonal elements in this Yorkshire town. Plastic bags and Pagans, Lesbian Pole dancing clubs and images of Christ appearing in the most unlikely places are just a few front page headlines that will be coming your way. Toodlepip.

Jesus and Jamie

Yesterday was editorial day. The Moose family met up with Michael Stewart, author of King Crow, a novel we will be publishing. Michael is also the creative director of the Huddersfield Literary festival and teaches creative writing. He is an award winning playwright. I didn't ask him if he can do the Paso Doble, but I bet he can. Lin and Hetha, our editors, discussed his novel and all was fine and dandy. We then went to a secret location to discuss another book by someone we can't tell you about just yet. All very hush, hush but I hope Bluemoose will be able to publish. I'll keep you posted but if it comes off, then we can change the world.
Jamie left Hebden, no doubt his people were aware of the byelaw and by the time I drove out of town yesterday at 9.30am, Christmas had been sluiced away, the tree packed up and baby Jesus and Jamie had departed for the Metropolis. No more Turkey Twizzlers for us then.

Jamie and the Gibbut

Christmas has arrived early in Hebdonia. Jamie Oliver was in town to do the new Sainsbury's advert. I came back into Hebden at 1pm to be confronted by snow and reindeer. Plastic reindeer and perfect turkey slices. No turkey swizzlers here. Oh no. The crafty cockney performed his naked cooking duties, played the spoons for a couple of hours and exited stage left. He will probably return today to stuff the bird. However, there is an ancient byelaw that dates back to 1423 and states that a Cockney is allowed a 48 hour pass in Hebden but if he stays longer he will be hung drawn and quartered. The gibbut is being polished as I type.

Fiction Delivery Officer

Lord Mandelhson has been outside Moose HQ all night and wouldn't let me post this morning. Google all frayed at the edges. Anna Chilvers, author of Falling through clouds will be returning to Sheffield Hallam unviersity where she gained her MA in Creative Writing. Hilary Mantel, winner of the Booker with her novel, Wolf Hall, teaches there and Anna will be signing copies of her book on Wednesday 27th January at 6.15pm at the Blackwells Bookshop on campus. Sorry, they're not a bookshop anymore, they are promoting themselves as The Knowledge Retailer. Must keep up. I'm not a publisher. I'm a the fiction delivery Officer.

Postal Strike

Can't post today because of the postal strike.