I am Martine.

Today the Moose is booked into a clinic and is undergoing plastic surgery. I want to become Martine McCutcheon. It would appear that Woman's Hour on Radio 4 only interview Soaplets, or other such Slebs for the book spot. So, it's under the knife I go and then I can appear on Radio. Of course you don't have to be beautiful to appear on radio, but it helps. I have tried the face masks, but these BBC Producers are made of sterner stuff and could see straight through my charade. When I'm next in London I may have to storm the Beeb and demand they interview a writer that hasn't received a seven figure sum purely because she's well known and appeared pouting on our screens. That lady is Anna Chilvers, author of Falling through clouds.