Cost per Review

It's me, I'm a cynical old Hector but is there a correlation between advertising and review coverage? Of course there is. In Yesterday's Guardian, there was a two page interview with Sarah Waters about her new book, 'Little Strangers,' and on the back page there was a massive advert for said book, with quotes from Hilary Mantel and Robert McCrum. It must have cost thousands. Now, this doesn't mean that because you're reviewed you can't have an advert in the paper at the same time but given that the advertsing sheckel is a much sought after coin it does pose the question, that if you had enough money to place an advert in The Guardian, would you also manage to get a two page review? Answers please on a postcard. I'm off to see if the same reviews are in the Sunday papers as were in yesterdays. It's a tiresome game I'm playing, but good for the spleen.Toodlepip!

WDU

Deep in the bowels of Moose HQ are the boys from the shires who run and control Moose R&D and today I announce, after five years of secret development, the WDU. A system that will rival and then surpass all the electronical reading discoveries of the past years. The ebook, Kindle and all such like are redundant. And what is the WDU? It is The Word Dispensing Unit and we are calling it, THE BOOK. It comes in hard and soft format for ease of transportation. I hope it catches on. It is a tenth of the price of its rivals, needs no batteries, wires, screens and is powered by touch. Remarkable.

Twittering sex

I, like Ashton Kuchner, Hollywood actor and celebrity spouse have decided to stop twittering. Well, I'm going to twitter once a day. Perhaps in the morning or last thing at night. I know it's supposed to be the new mode of communication, but Jaysus, does everbody want to know what I had for lunch? I have asked my dearly beloved if she will take part in Twittering sex. The idea was to have sex and twitter at the same time. Tantric twittering can go on for hours and only has one follower, yes , you guessed it, Sting and his missus can twitter for hours before releasing their message. It will be all the rage. However, my good lady wife has declined the offer and pointed me in the direction of a divorce lawyer. Oh well, back to normal life and all its glories.

Front of House.

Amidst all the economic gloom and doom, there are glimmers of light. Yesterday I received a synopsis and the first three chapters. The story is fantastic and it made me laugh like a drain, and a happy one at that. It is receiving great stories like this that makes it all worthwhile. When we started Bluemoose it was for this very reason. To try and get great stories from new writers published. In the email that accompanied the first three chapters was this quote from an agent the author had received about marketing his work. '..we might need to think about the conventions that will make the book more front of house.’ 'More front of house!' What she means is that they won't be able to put the book in the 3 for 2's. Nightmare. When she means 'Conventions,' what she's really saying is that it doesn't follow a generic and formulaic style. Well, good. What a grey world it would be if we all 'followed,' conventions and made everything ,'more front of house.' If this is what agents are thinking then the future for Independents is a good one. Now, I need to speak to booksellers.

Free for Free

Stephen Clayton, author of The art of being dead, visited a reading group in Hebden Bridge yesterday. The ladies who attended were passionate about their reading, inquisitive and asked some great questions about the characters in Steve's book. There was one worrying question from a member of the group who asked why we were giving away books at Hebden Bridge station. This worried me. Bluemoose Books is a business not a charity, and even though I, too, am passionate about books, we're trying to sell as many book as possible in order to publish more great stories from great new writers. It so happens I set up a Bluemoose Library there two months ago, with a selection of our titles which are available to read, free of charge, but once read they are to be put back into the Bluemoose library thus benefiting other passengers. My theory is that her friend hadn't read the notice I'd put up. I know the book selling world is going mad with all its 3 for 2's but even Waterstone's and Smiths haven't decided to throw it all in and give everything away , free. Well, not just yet.

Natural Selection

It has all gone nuclear down at the Oxford Poetry shop. Fingers pointed, huge intakes of breath, academic poison darts fired and Ruth Padell has resigned. I'm going to throw my hat in the poetic ring. No I'm not. More important things to do. But here's my poetic thoughts on the matter.

So, Ruth Padell
You have suffered at the hands
Of unnatural selection.
Your great, great, great
grandfather Charles Darwin
Would have had something to say.
Wouldn't he?

Poetry offsetting

I'm going to start a new industry. Poetry offsetting. It's like its carbon cousin, and it won't save the earth but perhaps by paying someone to read a stanza or two, in Tamil Nehrdu, I won't have to feel guilty about the whole Oxford poetry debacle. Heaven forefend that skulduggery is at foot whilst the world heads to hell in a second hand scappage handcart. No doubt, the Fey at Hay will be crying into their claret, but really, who does give a damn.
More importantly Stephen Clayton, author of The art of being dead is giving a reading at the Organic House cafe tomorrow. No poets please. You're needed elsewhere.

Salt of the earth

'Tis the second day of The Big Green Weekend here in Hebden Bridge. The Pulse Belt has not been inundated, as yet, by juggling unicyclists, but there is time. However, I encountered my first tree on stilts yesterday as I had a coffee with Hetha my wife. Initially I thought I had become a part of some Arts Council street theatre performance of Macbeth, and the woods were approaching. I was wrong. The tree said hello and passed out leaflets about Sustainabilty. The leaflet was printed on recylced youths. I had some disturbing news yesterday about the independent publisher SALT. They publish short stories and poetry and are having a bit of a hard time. If you want original, striking prose or poetry, you can do no better than visit www.Saltpublishing.com where you'll find some fantastic authors. Buy a book and keep the independent spirit alive.

Moose on Rye

Today is the start of the biggest literary festival in the world. Moose on Rye. All the....only kidding. But the litfest at Hay started yesterday and if there were any literary fundamentalists out there who wanted to eradicate the world of pompous aging male writers of the unreadable, they could make a name for themselves and obliterate the lot. Of course this is merely jesting. All the worlds best put togetherers of words will be there talking and reading and talking and talking.
It was Morrisseys birthday yesterday but I doubt whether he will be celebrating flicking through his gnarled copy of Byronic poems in The Brecon Beacons. He's got better things to do. However, here's a couple of lines from one of the Smith's best songs, 'Some Mothers.'
'As Anthony said to Cleopatra as he opened a crate of ale.'
Now, tell me if there is anyone at The Guardian sponsored Hay on Wye festival that could pen that line. Absolute genius.

Kestrel for a knave.

I read yesterday that one of my favourite authors Barry Hines has been diagnosed with Alzheimers. A Kestrel for a knave had a profound effect on me. Before I read it, all the books I'd read had transported me to different countries, thrown me back in time or into the future, but Kes, as it became known after the brilliant film by Ken Loach, changed my whole perceptions of what a book could do. Books had the ability to change lives. Everyone should read Kes. Alzheimers is a terrible disease. It's like watching a jumper unravel before your eyes. I wish him and his wife all the best in what will be testing times.