Astral Tar and Feathering

I've crossed Peter Kay off my Christmas list. It's personal. Unlike Alan Bennett, who very kindly replied to a letter I sent him, the blue suited Boltonian never did. Shame on you Mr. Kay. I will be having words with your mother and gran. Saturday night Peter, you'll be struck down with the curse of the Moose. I live in Hebden and I'm an international exponent of Astral Tar and Feathering never mind Holistic Knee Capping. You have been warned. Just as you are being handed your next award for mirth making, it will happen and I will laugh, oh yes, I will. See you. Off to realign the planets.