Improvised party poppers of death

A friend and I went shopping yesterday for party things. You know, balloons, party poppers and other such things that make a day go with a bang. However, I couldn't find any party poppers and was told by an assistant that they didn't sell them anymore because they were dangerous. Party poppers are now officially banned because they can take down a party goer at fifty paces. Now I've been to many a do where I would loved to have downed several drunken guests, but with a party popper? Have they all been secereted to various war zones around the globe as a fiscally astute budgetary tactic on behalf of the treasury? Are our boys in Helmand province attacking the Taliban with the party poppers of peace and democracy? We must be told about these lethal improvised explosive devices that sear the flesh with their multi coloured streamer like capabilities of evilness. Madness. Absolute madness.