The Queen is dead

Bluemoose Books can announce today the successful acquisition of World rights to the autobiography of The Queen. The Queen 82, has written her autobiography in light of the damning news that has just come out of the palace. Employees from the German firm of Bailiffs,
Shitzhstealkamphoff, are in the process of removing all the goods and chattels of the present incumbent and taking them to the German of town of Rust, where the real Queen is believed to live. It is believed that in 1926 the first daughter of the Duke and Duchess of York was taken to live with her aunt Henrietta Saxe Coburg as the result of a gambling debt that hadn't been paid. Speaking from the inn which she runs with her son Crown Prince Hollenzhein she said.' At last I am delighted to be reclaiming my rightful place at the head of the British Royal Family.' Constitutional experts are already applying to the courts in both countries to try and stop the repossession of Buckingham Palace. This heartbreaking tale of deception and lies is beautifully told with warmth and compassion. The launch will be held at Bonhams auction house in September 16th 2009 where Philip and Elizabeth hope to raise enough money to set up house on the Greek Island of their friend Viscount Stamford. Speaking to passing motorists she said .
' Don't worry I've got an each way bet on the 3.45 at Catterick this afternoon which should set us up for the Spring.' Liz and Phil will be appearing on the Jeremy Kyle show in March. Jonathan Ross is interviewing them in his Easter broadcast. The Times has bought world exclusive rights. TV and Radio adverts will be trailed before the launch with music by Morrissey.
The autobiography is an explosive expose of The House Of Windsor and will rock the very foundations of the British Aristocracy.